I have just witnessed the Election Day Debacle. No, I am not speaking of the evil machinations of the Diebold Corporation, nor am I speaking of voter purge lists. I am speaking of a deeper horror.

That horror? Spending an hour waiting in line to vote - with two old biddies; two old biddies with nothing better to do than talk about their health. And by health, I mean pelvic health.

Within 15 minutes I discovered that old lady #1 had a uterus that hung an inch to an inch and a half outside of her body. Additionally, I discovered that her bladder needed "to be tacked back up." Ugh, I'm no oby/gyn, but I think this situation calls for a pessary, STAT.

After another 15 minutes had elapsed I started to wonder if the smell that permeated the air was actually emanating from old lady #1's prolapsed uterus.

It was at this point that old lady #2 started to talk about her colonoscopy, particularly about how the doctor managed to complicate the procedure by perforating her colon.

The framers of the Constitution could never envision this scenario. When I think Election 2004 I will forever recall prolapsed uteri and perforated colons. I suppose that this is the price I pay for democracy.

The only upshot to the day was that there was a dude with a Skinny Puppy shirt on, which is pretty radical for our butthole little town.

Rating: 1