Well, not totally a thumbs down, but close.

Let me preface this review with a story on how I came to know Douglas Adams and the greatness of the wonderful mix of comedy and science fiction that was his work. It all goes back to when our family got it's first computer. This was well over 15 years ago and there was this very perplexing, completely graphics-less text game called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy on it. I was probably about 10 or so, and this game was super challenging because firstly, I was not at all use to playing a text game where you had to type out exactly what you wanted to do and secondly, I didn't even know there was a book much less was I familiar with it's story which was pretty vital to getting around in the game I thought. I managed to get aboard the Vogon ship which looking back now was rather impressive.

Flash forward a couple of years I suppose, give or take a little. I'm in middle school at a book fair when I spot a book bearing the same title of that damned frustrating game I have! Of course I buy it and eventually buy the second and fourth novel in the series. Why I didn't buy the third one eludes me, but I imagine it just wasn't there to buy. My very smart friend buys the book as well and we read it at the same time. I mentioned the game to him and strangely enough, when we discussed where we were in the novel, we used first-person, like "now the Vogons are reading poetry to me". Why we did that also eludes me and I cannot really even speculate on why we did it.

Flash forward to nearly a year or so ago. I hear that they are making a film version of the story. With today's technologies, this film could be great I thought, as excitement began bubbling up inside me.

Flash forward a little more to this review.

I just recently read the books again, listened a little to the radio play, and saw the 1981 BBC TV series version so the whole magical world of Hitchhiker's is still fresh in my mind. With that being said, it must also be said that the movie utterly fails to capture this world. The world it creates instead is almost entirely, but not completely, unlike the world I know and love from the past incarnations.

The biggest complaint for me was how much it strayed from the books. I am fully aware of the fact that the brilliant Douglas Adams intentionally changed plot points, events, characters and other things with each new subsequent version, but not changes nearly as drastic as the ones present in this film. It starts off pretty loyal while omitting some minor stuff, but as the plot gets going, things start to diverge rather dismally.

The biggest change is the overblown romance between Arthur Dent and Trillian. Did they decide that the material in the books was not strong enough so they had to throw in a hackneyed and cliched love story? Yes, later on in the books, there is that type of story, but here it is way too rushed and generic in comparison. I cringed at the new addition. Here are just some of the other changes I can recall: (note this is completely from memory so I may slip up with a detail or bit of chronology)

- Arthur awakes and checks his NOKIA CELL PHONE to see if a particular character has called him which she hasn't because of something that is revealed later on.

- The dialogue between Mr. Prosser and Arthur going into detail about just how hidden the plans that called for the demolition of his house are has been tragically reduced. A part of the gag is there, but on it's lonesome totally ineffective and worthless.

- Instead of Mr. Prosser lying in front of the bulldozer in Arthur's stead, Ford Prefect shows up with beer (!!!) to bribe the construction workers not to knock his house down. That whole dialogue of getting Prosser to take Arthur's place in the book is terrific and a terrible loss.

- The great line about Ford asking if Arthur is busy while he lies in front of the bulldozer has been omitted.

- Ford takes Arthur to the pub for some pints despite the fact that Ford, as mentioned, already had beer.

- The Vogon Prostetnic Jeltz's announcement has been shortened. In the books, there is almost a back and forth dialogue between him and someone on Earth about them not having seen the plans for Earth's demolition located in some other galaxy. The funny parallel between this event and the whole thing with Arthur's house and those plans has been all but eliminated.

- The Guide's entry (and newly revised entry) on Earth has been eliminated. Shame really, because that was one of my favorite things in the book. Not a "harmless" loss by any means.

- While on the Vogon Constructor ship, the dialogue between Ford, Arthur, and the guard about trying to persuade the guard to consider a career change has been omitted, also tragically.

- The part about someone tampering with Zaphod's brain is omitted.

- During the missile attack on the ship, the whole little tidbit about someone injuring their elbow and the dramatic effect of keeping the 'victim' secret until later on is gone.

- In the film but definitely not in the books, Trillian gets captured and taken to the Vogon home world after the group stops off at the planet home to Humma Kavula, a character created just for this film. Turns out Humma was a running mate of Zaphod who then proceeds to take Zaphod's second head to hold for ransom until they can recover a POV gun. This new addition is not only uninteresting, it's worthless as the plot point is never resolved! Zaphod never gets his second head back and Humma never gets his gun! While the Vogon homeworld (the group goes there to rescue Trillian) is interesting and neatly expounds the whole bureaucracy aspect of their race, it was time that could have been used to more accurately translate the book.

- In the books, there is no portal to whisk them away to somewhere on Magrathea. Arthur and Marvin stay behind to guard the ship and later meet up with Slartibartfast while Ford, Zaphod, and Trillian venture on to eventually meet up with the mice.

- Vroomfondel and Magikthise are not in this book. That is a shame as well, as the whole bit about "demanding" this and that was very funny.

- Arthur and Slartibartfast do not ride through Magrathea in some weird cherry-picker thing in the books. It's supposed to be a small "bubble" ship. I don't really have much to complain about here because it's a minor thing.

- The trigger happy cops that were so humorous in the books are completely gone because the scene where the group runs from the mice is completely altered.

- In the film, Arthur comes up with what will be used as the ultimate "Question" to the "Answer of Life".

- The ending is completely different as the group all meets back up on the Earth Mark 2 where the Vogons show up and start shooting. Marvin gets killed, comes back to life, and saves the day when he shoots ALL of the Vogons with the POV gun. In the later books, only Arthur and Ford go to Earth Mark 2 after the spaceship they're on crashes onto it and the only people on it at that time are a form of early man, the survivors of the ship, and Arthur and Ford.

While Arthur, Ford, Trillian and Marvin are all pretty accurate to their previous incarnations and well acted by the cast, the vital role of Zaphod has been gravely mucked with. With the loss of his second head and therefore one half of his brain which by the way never happens in the books, he has been reduced to a drunken idiot that must be pretty much guided by hand throughout the film. While I really like Sam Rockwell and thought he would be perfect in the role, sadly, a combination of bad writing and overacting ruin the character. He was much closer to the character in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind than this one. All of his charm, wit, and bravado are gone, replaced by a dancing, rambling buffoon prone to pratfalls and other comic idiocies. The newly created Humma Kavula (supposedly created by Adams just for John Malkovich) is a terribly uninteresting character and is a dreadful substitution for the many, more dynamic (and entertaining!) characters left out of this film version.

Now the film isn't totally terrible. In fact, I don't hate it. Some things they nail, such as the beginning of the film while still on Earth prior to it's destruction. I also like the nods to the BBC series with the magnificent Journey of the Sorcerer theme by The Eagles at the reveal of the Guide, which frankly gave me chills, and the old version of Marvin (from the BBC series) present in the DMV-like area on the Vogon homeworld. The rest of the music is a bit overdone, especially during the scene on the planet where anyone who comes up with an idea gets slapped in the face by some mysterious flyswatter beast that resides in the ground. The film's strong point, with a few exceptions, is that it looks magnificent and is wonderfully shot. I liked the design of the giant supercomputer Deep Thought. The 'showroom floor' on Magrathea is magnificent and almost breathtaking. The Vogon home world looks like it should and is one of the very few things I liked about the new material. On the other hand, I did not like the design of the Heart of Gold which was described in the books as look like a very sleek shoe. In this, it's a giant ball. While Marvin looks pretty neat, he moves like a small guy in a very plastic costume. Oh wait...

Most of the "jokes" in the new material are not funny. The whole thread about Humma Kavula and his 'cult' is a good example of that. Some of the jokes in the old material are not really that funny because of the way they're 'told'. Like the part about Zaphod's brain specialist (played by Jason Schwartzman) saying, "Zaphod's just zis guy, you know?" is included, but it's been relegated to almost the background where it drastically loses it's effect. Other jokes are only half told which either diminish their effect or completely kill it. On the other hand, some jokes, old or new, DID work. I did really like the scene where the group, after the Infinite Probability Drive does it's usual thing, becomes yarn puppets. And the whale scene, one of the most famous scenes in the books, was done with great care, attention, and affection for the material. The graphics for the actual Guide were very well done and humorous as well.

I think the movie is spot on when it sticks to the books. When it strays, it mostly becomes a muddled unfunny mess. Why they came up with these new ideas instead of using the time it occupies to better adapt the book and portray more of the events in it is something that eludes common sense and decency. The ending is also completely unsatisfying because it is not only vastly different, it doesn't look like it can decide whether to wrap the movie up completely or leave room for a sequel. I think that's the idea. They mention the titular location from the second book, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, but I don't see any purpose of what it would serve seeing as to how things seem to already be wrapped up by how far they skipped ahead in regards to the ending.

For a movie, it isn't bad. For a movie about The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, it's pretty bad.

Rating: 2.5